No Explanation

I know the reason now for the dream.

For some reason I wanted to go halfway

But when I got to the road

I saw it.

It was a cut straight up and down from my home

Into the valley, prostate

And straight up again through a Cut.

The gears of the car were whining

on the way down and I knew that there was no stopping or waking up or turning back so I woke up because it was what a real nightmare is which is the approach of death as a certainty.

I ought to paint a picture of my dream.

Painting pictures is a happy thing to do.

I want my nightmare to be beautiful.

Like it was driving down the Pennslyvanna Turnpike

With no margin of error in the snow down a long way when we were together and there was no past or future and it was what a trip really is.

"Dreams are dreams, ailment

And day is day.

The dream upon awaking

Slips and fades away.

Damned is the dream.

The dream you prayed would stay."

Why I Had a Vision

     I had a vision because I had boredom and bliss in alteration with Nike` in the early seventies and I recommend it as a process if you want to have a vision.

     The essence of an essay story I wrote influenced by Faulkner amounts to that.

      A vision has weight and changes your life and is life and defines and justifies it with more weight than Atlas could carry.

      Monks and Nuns doing really boring things with license for pleasure at night on a schedule of day and night and day and night and work and play and dancing and working and walks and talks has produced a vision that is a mind rock of burnt iron.

     Atom Bomb pictures are what I want sent to the UN by all my citizens right now quick for the walls of the UN there needs to be an art attack for the benefit of the workers.

                                                             Love, medic Russell

Better Get a PreNup

a song lyric

Better Get a Prenup

Prenup

Prenup

Before you go to Town, denture

Before you go Down.

Better get a PreNup

a PreNup

Yeah a PreNup

Before you tie the knot, sale

Give up what you've got,

That freedom that she wants

She wins on wedding day

Listen to what I say…

Better get a Pre Nup

PreNup

PreNup

You know it if you're doin' ReUp,

Get a Pre Nup.!

I'm a Suicidal Man

    I'm a suicidal man

  Doing all he can

  To get over it.

  Bad news is normal

  I am not used to it.

  You are ignorant too.

  Turning up the music is all you can do.

.

Red Cross Shoes

      Phyliss wanted some Red Cross shoes and drove to Belks in Raleigh and bought them and then drove to the airport looking for Carl.

      His back was turned when she found him in the hangar.   He was looking for a screw on a work bench that had rolled away as he was attempting to install a radio he had bought for the Taylorcraft.

      The work of it had been making him crazy because craming everything into the small area available caused him contortions and he was clumsy with small things because he had large hands and small screws and wires were involved in small spaces.

      Phyliss could tell by the hunch of his back that he was angry about something and looked down at her new shoes before she said anything to him.

      She said, "Hey Carl, what are you doing?"

      He didn’t turn around but recognizing her voice, and having recognized her step, and having known she might show up, said, "I’m trying to put this fucking radio in the airplane."

       He then found the screw.

       He put the screw between his thumb and his forefinger and turned around and looked at her.

       Phyliss was wearing a brown side pleated skirt and riding sort of matching jacket with a little red trim on the collar and a cream colored silk blouse with a scarf tie and a hat with her legs in black silk ending on the ground in red shoes cut to point between her big toe and the one next to it.

      Carl could not help but look her up and down.

      "Is Harvey coming?"   He said.

       He knew from the look on her face and the way she was standing that Harvey was not the reason she was there, but that he was.

       "No, I came to see you."

       "What for?"   Carl said regretting that he was not entirely sure and ready for the answer because he could feel that there was some trouble involved.

      "Take me up with you."   She said.

       ‘Fuck it.’  Carl thought being seduced.

        The look of her leg moving to within the plane excited and pleased him and they taxied to takeoff with smiling anticipation.

He Was a Hard Head

He was a hard head

with a broken smile.

He thought the hard way

was the right way.

He was a hard head.

He had a hard head girl.

They had a hard head world.

                             Psychiatrists Love Insanity

Psychiatrists love insanity

And doctors love disease.

The firemen love the fire

And the sailors love the breeze.

I grab the phone to see you

And beg or just say please.

I'm a mercenary man

King of all he sees.

One day I'll be a hero.

One day I'll walk the dog.

One day I'll break the law

All then facts and forms and figures

Locked behind a door.

One day I'll love myself

and not love you anymore.

Psychiatrists love insanity

Doctors love disease.

Oh Jesus come round to see me

With the nympho nun Oh please, ed

Oh Jesus come round to see me

I know they can be fun.

It's the priest that loves the sinner

And the dark that loves the sun.

Psychiatrists love insanity

And doctors love disease.

The firemen love the fire

And the sailors love the breeze.

Oh Jesus come round to see me

And bring the nympho nun.

It will be our party

And I swear I will not run.

What Happened Was

We were drunk and stoned and it was dark and we were driving around in a big car listening to the radio near Franklyn Pierce in Vermont and it was 10 and we were driving really slow because we were drunk and stoned and it was a nice night and we were all in love with the music.

Behind us, order | and now me driving I saw the cop car coming at normal speed and had two options, step on the gas, or pull over.

I had been driving this particular Rambler enough to know that the clutch pin would slip and the driver of the car coming at me would not have enough time to avoid us so I turned the car to the swale to let him by.

He went by and pulled over and I thought to myself, "Shit."

"Don't touch anything."

I pulled the car up just a little and made eyecontact with the State Trooper and yelled out the window,   "Have you seen a dead deer?"

He stopped in his hat and said,   "3 of them in the last mile and a half, Why?"

"Because we are looking for road kill to feed the cats."

Soon to be Deleted/Angry Poem

20 years ago I fucked a woman who had a baby on my honeymoon at Disneyworld.

      Nine months later we had a baby named after a horror story writer's wifes one book.

      I was a writer that she and her parents intended as an empty suit to be an insurance salesman.

     I was what I said I was and they divorced me.

     I think the father of my ex-wife was a child abuser because his wife was overall evil.

     I was happy when he died.

     I then knew he was dead and could not therefore be around to abuse my daughter who has been successfully stolen from me.

     I'll be dead soon, viagra or in jail if I don't pay her mother.

     I highly reccommend the log books for whores.

     List every fuck and charge them all forever.

     Marry every honeymoon fool.

     Later tonight I intend to put the pistol to my head and pull the trigger.

     Well 05be I will get a shotgun at Wal Mart.

      A shotgun would be better for the blast.

      Good to lay down out by the river and feed ants and maggots and hatch flys and fungus.

       Daddy was in the PsyOps Corp.

       I think he was a pervert.

       Perverts are running the world these days.

       I am going to exit whether I like it or not.

      Really I need a vacation.

Yellow Light

Weak yellow light in a shotgun apartment on East llth

I listened to Steely Dan.

"Soon everyone knew the thing was dead."

Drunk I understood all of the stories and cried.

The floor shined because of my tears and the light.

Of course abortions are failures.

Failures hurt.

A miscarrage is not the same as thinking about it.

Choices come around and grief is unavoidable.

In the dim light we cry alone for all broken connections.

In the dim yellow light we look at the floor and wonder what we did wrong.